LENT WEEKS 1-2 (MARCH 2-13, 2022)
INTRODUCTION
The Prayer Before the Prayer
I want to be willing to forgive
But I dare not ask for the will to forgive
In case you give it to me
And I am not yet ready
I am not yet ready for my heart to soften
I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again
Not yet ready to see that there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes
Or that the one who hurt me may also have cried
I am not yet ready for the journey
I am not yet interested in the path
I am at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness
Grant me the will to want to forgive
Grant it to me not yet but soon
Can I even form the words
Forgive me?
Dare I even look?
Do I dare to see the hurt I have caused?
I can glimpse all the shattered pieces of that fragile thing
That soul trying to rise on the broken wings of hope
But only out of the corner of my eye
I am afraid of it
And if I am afraid to see
How can I not be afraid to say
Forgive me?
Is there a place where we can meet?
You and me The place in the middle
The no man’s land
Where we straddle the lines
Where you are right
And I am right too
And both of us are wrong and wronged
Can we meet there?
And look for the place where the path begins
The path that ends when we forgive
Journal
Please get a private journal that you will use to complete the writing exercises given in each chapter. This will be your own personal “book of forgiving.” It can be a plain notebook or a special journal you purchase just for this work. Only you will read this journal, and in it you should feel free and safe to record your thoughts, emotions, ideas, and progress along the Fourfold Path.
Stone
Please go out and find a stone that appeals to you on some level. It can be beautiful or ugly. It shouldn’t be a pebble, nor should it be a boulder. Find a stone with some weight to it. It should be small enough to carry in the palm of your hand and large enough that you won’t lose it. Note in your journal exactly where you found the stone and what it was about the stone that appealed to you.
CHAPTER 1
Meditation: Opening to the Light
1. Close your eyes and follow your breath.
2. When you feel centered, imagine yourself in a safe place; this may be indoors or outdoors, whichever feels safest to you.
3. In the center of your safe space is a box with many drawers.
4. The drawers are labeled. The inscriptions show hurts you have yet to forgive.
5. Choose a drawer and open it. Rolled or folded or crumpled up inside it are all the thoughts and feelings the incident evokes.
6. You can choose to empty out this drawer.
7. Bring your hurt into the light and examine it.
8. Unfold the resentment you have felt and set it aside.
9. Smooth out the ache and let it drift up into the sunlight and disappear.
10. If any feeling seems too big or too unbearable, set it aside to look at later.
11. When the drawer is empty, sit for a moment with it on your lap.
12. Then remove the label from this drawer.
13. As the label comes off, you will see the drawer turn to sand. The wind will sweep it away. You don’t need it anymore.
14. There will be no space left for that hurt in the box. That space is not needed anymore.
15. If there are more drawers still to be emptied, you can repeat this meditation now or later.
Ritual: Carrying the Stone
1. You will need your palm-size stone.
2. For the space of one morning (approximately six hours) hold the stone in your non-dominant hand. Do not set the stone down for any reason during this period.
3. At the end of six hours, proceed to the journal exercise.
Journal Exercise
1. What did you notice about carrying the stone?
2. When did you notice it the most?
3. Did it hinder any of your activities?
4. Was it ever useful?
5. In what ways was carrying the stone like carrying an unforgiven hurt?
6. Make a list of the people you need to forgive in your life.
7. Make another list of all those you would like to have forgive you.
CHAPTER 2
Meditation: Sitting in the Safe Space
Sometimes the work of forgiveness feels too much like work and all you want to do is be still and feel safe. For this meditation you will create a cloak of safety that will always be within reach.
1. Begin by sitting comfortably. If you choose, close your eyes lightly.
2. Pay attention to your breath. Don’t direct it. Follow it.
3. When you have settled into the rhythm of your breath, allow yourself to feel a cloak of safety surrounding you like a fabric.
4. What is the texture of this cloak? Does it have a color? Does it have a fragrance?
5. Settle into this cloak. Does it feel warm or cool?
6. Describe this cloak in your imagination as fully as you are able. Pull the cloak around you and settle into feeling safe.
7. When you feel the need for this cloak of safety, know it is always there and you can just reach for it.
Ritual: Tracing the Myths
1. Take your stone. Set it on a sheet of paper in your journal and trace around it.
2. Make five tracings of your stone.
3. Inside each tracing write one thing that forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not: a. weakness b. injustice c. forgetting d. easy e. quick
4. For each of these myths about forgiveness, call to mind an instance where that myth is holding you back from granting forgiveness.
Journal Exercise
Forgiving is a process of letting go.
1. Think of the things you must give up or let go of in order to forgive.
2. The list might include things like the right to revenge or the expectation of an apology. It might even include having to give up an expectation that the person who hurt you will understand the pain they have caused.
3. As you jot down this list, pause with each item and offer thanks for the ability to let go of what you do not need in order to forgive.
CHAPTER 3
Meditation: Walking the Path
The following image is of a finger labyrinth, patterned after the walking labyrinth in the floor of Chartres Cathedral in France. A finger labyrinth is “walked” by tracing the path with a finger of the non-dominant hand. The advantage of a finger labyrinth is its accessibility. It can be carried with you and used almost anywhere at any time.
1. For this meditation you will set your intention to remain open to the forgiveness journey before you enter this labyrinth.
2. As you follow the labyrinth path, notice the places where you lose your way, where you pause, where you meet resistance. Can you name what has been evoked in you?
3. At the center of the labyrinth, pause and ask for a blessing.
4. Follow the path back out.
5. As you exit the labyrinth, pause to offer thanks for this time of reflection. You can turn to this labyrinth whenever you need to collect your thoughts along the Fourfold Path.
INTRODUCTION
The Prayer Before the Prayer
I want to be willing to forgive
But I dare not ask for the will to forgive
In case you give it to me
And I am not yet ready
I am not yet ready for my heart to soften
I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again
Not yet ready to see that there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes
Or that the one who hurt me may also have cried
I am not yet ready for the journey
I am not yet interested in the path
I am at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness
Grant me the will to want to forgive
Grant it to me not yet but soon
Can I even form the words
Forgive me?
Dare I even look?
Do I dare to see the hurt I have caused?
I can glimpse all the shattered pieces of that fragile thing
That soul trying to rise on the broken wings of hope
But only out of the corner of my eye
I am afraid of it
And if I am afraid to see
How can I not be afraid to say
Forgive me?
Is there a place where we can meet?
You and me The place in the middle
The no man’s land
Where we straddle the lines
Where you are right
And I am right too
And both of us are wrong and wronged
Can we meet there?
And look for the place where the path begins
The path that ends when we forgive
Journal
Please get a private journal that you will use to complete the writing exercises given in each chapter. This will be your own personal “book of forgiving.” It can be a plain notebook or a special journal you purchase just for this work. Only you will read this journal, and in it you should feel free and safe to record your thoughts, emotions, ideas, and progress along the Fourfold Path.
Stone
Please go out and find a stone that appeals to you on some level. It can be beautiful or ugly. It shouldn’t be a pebble, nor should it be a boulder. Find a stone with some weight to it. It should be small enough to carry in the palm of your hand and large enough that you won’t lose it. Note in your journal exactly where you found the stone and what it was about the stone that appealed to you.
CHAPTER 1
Meditation: Opening to the Light
1. Close your eyes and follow your breath.
2. When you feel centered, imagine yourself in a safe place; this may be indoors or outdoors, whichever feels safest to you.
3. In the center of your safe space is a box with many drawers.
4. The drawers are labeled. The inscriptions show hurts you have yet to forgive.
5. Choose a drawer and open it. Rolled or folded or crumpled up inside it are all the thoughts and feelings the incident evokes.
6. You can choose to empty out this drawer.
7. Bring your hurt into the light and examine it.
8. Unfold the resentment you have felt and set it aside.
9. Smooth out the ache and let it drift up into the sunlight and disappear.
10. If any feeling seems too big or too unbearable, set it aside to look at later.
11. When the drawer is empty, sit for a moment with it on your lap.
12. Then remove the label from this drawer.
13. As the label comes off, you will see the drawer turn to sand. The wind will sweep it away. You don’t need it anymore.
14. There will be no space left for that hurt in the box. That space is not needed anymore.
15. If there are more drawers still to be emptied, you can repeat this meditation now or later.
Ritual: Carrying the Stone
1. You will need your palm-size stone.
2. For the space of one morning (approximately six hours) hold the stone in your non-dominant hand. Do not set the stone down for any reason during this period.
3. At the end of six hours, proceed to the journal exercise.
Journal Exercise
1. What did you notice about carrying the stone?
2. When did you notice it the most?
3. Did it hinder any of your activities?
4. Was it ever useful?
5. In what ways was carrying the stone like carrying an unforgiven hurt?
6. Make a list of the people you need to forgive in your life.
7. Make another list of all those you would like to have forgive you.
CHAPTER 2
Meditation: Sitting in the Safe Space
Sometimes the work of forgiveness feels too much like work and all you want to do is be still and feel safe. For this meditation you will create a cloak of safety that will always be within reach.
1. Begin by sitting comfortably. If you choose, close your eyes lightly.
2. Pay attention to your breath. Don’t direct it. Follow it.
3. When you have settled into the rhythm of your breath, allow yourself to feel a cloak of safety surrounding you like a fabric.
4. What is the texture of this cloak? Does it have a color? Does it have a fragrance?
5. Settle into this cloak. Does it feel warm or cool?
6. Describe this cloak in your imagination as fully as you are able. Pull the cloak around you and settle into feeling safe.
7. When you feel the need for this cloak of safety, know it is always there and you can just reach for it.
Ritual: Tracing the Myths
1. Take your stone. Set it on a sheet of paper in your journal and trace around it.
2. Make five tracings of your stone.
3. Inside each tracing write one thing that forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not: a. weakness b. injustice c. forgetting d. easy e. quick
4. For each of these myths about forgiveness, call to mind an instance where that myth is holding you back from granting forgiveness.
Journal Exercise
Forgiving is a process of letting go.
1. Think of the things you must give up or let go of in order to forgive.
2. The list might include things like the right to revenge or the expectation of an apology. It might even include having to give up an expectation that the person who hurt you will understand the pain they have caused.
3. As you jot down this list, pause with each item and offer thanks for the ability to let go of what you do not need in order to forgive.
CHAPTER 3
Meditation: Walking the Path
The following image is of a finger labyrinth, patterned after the walking labyrinth in the floor of Chartres Cathedral in France. A finger labyrinth is “walked” by tracing the path with a finger of the non-dominant hand. The advantage of a finger labyrinth is its accessibility. It can be carried with you and used almost anywhere at any time.
1. For this meditation you will set your intention to remain open to the forgiveness journey before you enter this labyrinth.
2. As you follow the labyrinth path, notice the places where you lose your way, where you pause, where you meet resistance. Can you name what has been evoked in you?
3. At the center of the labyrinth, pause and ask for a blessing.
4. Follow the path back out.
5. As you exit the labyrinth, pause to offer thanks for this time of reflection. You can turn to this labyrinth whenever you need to collect your thoughts along the Fourfold Path.
Stone Ritual: Marking the Path
1. Take your stone and trace around it four times in your journal, creating four circles.
2. In each circle, write the name of each step of the Fourfold Path: a. Telling the Story b. Naming the Hurt c. Granting Forgiveness d. Renewing or Releasing the Relationship
3. Write around each circle what resistances you notice as you consider walking the Fourfold Path.
4. Write down anything that is holding you back.
Journal Exercise
1. What would be the best outcome you could imagine, if you were to forgive?
2. How would your life be different?
3. How would your relationships be different—both your relationship to the one who harmed you and your relationships with others?
LENT WEEK 3 (MARCH 14-20, 2022)
CHAPTER 4
Meditation: The Box of Sorrows
You may choose to gather about you the cloak of safety you created in chapter 2.
1. Create a safe space. Bring to mind a place of safety. It can be real or imaginary. See this place fully and inhabit it. Are you indoors or outdoors? Is it a large, open space or a cozy place? What does it smell like? What does the air feel like on your skin? What sounds do you hear? Music? A crackling fire? Birdsong? A babbling brook or a fountain? Ocean waves? The hushed whisper of grass swaying in a breeze? There is an inviting place to sit comfortably. Relax into this place. It is your place of safety.
2. Someone is calling for you. The one who is calling for you speaks in a voice filled with warmth, love, and delight. When you are ready, welcome this person into your safe place. Notice how the person’s presence increases your sense of safety and assurance. Who is your companion? Is it a loved one, a friend, or a spiritual figure? Is it someone who is accepting, affirming, and utterly trustworthy?
3. Between you and your companion sits an open box. Look at the box. It is small and light enough for you to lift and hold. Notice its size, shape, and texture. What is unique about this box? Tell your companion the story of the hurt you carry. Tell the truth about how you have been wounded, disdained, disrespected, shamed, or disregarded in as much detail as you can remember. As you speak, see the hurt and the words pouring out of you like a stream. Watch the stream being poured into the open box. Speak until you have finished. Your companion has time to listen. All your companion wants in this moment is to be with you until you are done. When you have said all there is to say, close the box of sorrows.
4. Take the box into your lap. You may want to sit with it in your lap for a few moments. When you are ready, hand the box to your trusted companion. Know that your box is in safe hands. You do not need to carry those sorrows any longer.
5. When you are ready, you may leave your place of safety. Know that your trusted companion will take your box of sorrows from that place but will return it should you ever have need.
Ritual: Whispering to the Stone
1. Now that you have imagined yourself telling your story into your box of sorrows, it is time to actually give voice to what happened. There is power in words that are spoken.
2. Pick up your stone and tell the story of what happened in as much detail as you can. Remember to speak the truth, as much of it as you can remember. Speaking to the stone can be an emotionally safe way to prepare for speaking your story to another person.
Journal Exercise
1. Open your journal and write your story. Fill as many pages as you need.
2. Writing is a very powerful way to tell your story. As you write, you may remember details you did not recall when you were speaking.
3. If you feel safer or more comfortable, you can always read what you have written to a person you love and trust.
4. Later you may choose to read or send what you have written to the perpetrator, but we encourage you to first continue along the Fourfold Path. The story is only the beginning.
CHAPTER 5
Meditation: Validation
1. Return to your safe space. Note again what it looks, sounds, and feels like. If need be, wrap your cloak of safety around you.
2. Now welcome back your trusted and affirming companion.
3. Put one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Take a deep breath and relax. When you return to the hurt, notice what feelings arise. Share these emotions with your companion. Stay with the emotion. Experience and express how you feel about what happened.
4. Each emotion is appropriate and valid.
5. Hear your companion affirm the truth and pain of your feelings.
6. When you have heard and accepted this validation, settle back into your place of safety and rest.
7. When you are ready, you may leave your safe space.
Ritual: Clenching the Stone
1. Take your stone in your dominant hand.
2. Name out loud a hurt you are feeling. As you name it, clench the stone in your hand.
3. Open your hand. As you release your fist, release the hurt.
4. Clench and release the stone again as you name each of your hurts.
Journal Exercise: The Grief Journal
1. Write down all the things you have lost. What did you lose? Did you lose your trust? Did you lose your safety? Did you lose your dignity? Did you lose someone whom you loved? Did you lose something that you cherished?
2. Now name the feelings that accompany these losses. I am angry. I am sad. I am heartbroken. I am afraid. Feel free to use your own words. What does your heart tell you? What is the weight of this loss? Name it so you can heal it.
LENT WEEK 4 (MARCH 21-27, 2022)
Chapter 6
Meditation: Loving Kindness
1. Close your eyes. Imagine an emotion that makes you feel good. It can be love or kindness or compassion or gratitude or all of these emotions.
2. Allow this emotion or combination of emotions to radiate out from inside you. This is what it feels like to be free of fear, anger, hatred, and resentment. This place of peace lives within you always and belongs to you. You can step into this place whenever you wish. It is yours, and no one can take it from you.
3. Now imagine the person or people you are trying to forgive. Imagine that you are their mother and they are like a tiny baby in your arms, before they hurt you, before they hurt anyone. See their goodness and humanity.
4. Can you bless them and wish them well? Can you send them compassion and kindness? Can you let them go?
Ritual: Washing the Stone
1. Take your stone, which has been with you through this journey along the path. You have spoken to it, you have clenched it, and now you will cleanse it.
2. Get a bowl of water or go to a body of water. Dip your stone in the water three times. Each time you dip the stone, say “I forgive you.”
Ritual: Sand & Stone
1. You will need a sandy place where there are stones available.
2. What do you want to forgive? With your finger or a stick, write that hurt in the sand.
3. What are three attributes of the person you want to forgive that you value or treasure? With a marker or a pencil, write these on a stone.
4. What is written in sand will soon be gone. What is written on stone endures.
Journal Exercise
1. Begin by writing down a story of the person who harmed you. What do you know about this person? If you do not know them, what can you find out about them? What do you have in common? In what ways are you similar?
2. What have you lost by not being able to forgive? Has this inability to forgive harmed you and the ones you love?
3. Now write down how this painful experience has actually made you stronger. How has it helped you grow and have empathy for others? How has it ennobled you?
4. Finally, write your story again but this time not as the victim but as the hero. How did you deal with the situation, how have you grown, and how will you prevent such harm from happening to others?
Chapter 7
Meditation: Releasing or Renewing
1. Enter your place of safety.
2. Invite your trusted and affirming companion to sit with you.
3. Allow yourself to feel all the hope and any anxiety that surrounds your relationship with the person you have forgiven.
4. Describe your hopes and fears to your companion.
5. Your companion will not judge your hopes, your fears, or your decisions. Your companion will affirm your inner wisdom.
6. When you feel settled in your choices, you can leave this space.
Ritual: Renewing or Releasing the Stone
1. Decide whether you will turn your stone into a new thing of beauty or release it back into nature.
2. If you have chosen to renew the stone, decide how you will paint it or decorate it. You may also choose to turn it into something useful in your home or garden.
3. If you have chosen to release your stone, you may take it back to the place you found it and set it down, or you may take it to a new place that is meaningful to you.
4. Nothing is wasted. Everything, even a stone, has its purpose.
Ritual: Make Something Beautiful
1. You will need some art supplies (glue, paint, colored paper, markers, fabric).
2. You will also need a bag.
3. You will complete this exercise using something you consider beautiful and breakable, such as a cup, plate, or tile. (If you cannot use a breakable item, substitute a picture from a magazine, a photograph, or a piece of patterned fabric.)
4. Place the breakable item inside the bag and use your stone to smash the item. (If using a photograph or picture, then use your stone to scrape, scratch, or tear it.)
5. Now use the resulting shards or shreds and your supplies to make something beautiful.
Journal Exercise
1. Was it possible to make something beautiful from what you had?
2. How difficult was it to do so?
3. How closely did your new creation resemble the item you damaged?
4. Could it serve the same function as the original?
5. What did you learn about renewing and releasing as you engaged in this exercise?
LENT WEEK 5 (MARCH 28 - April 3, 2022)
Chapter 8
Meditation: The Box of Forgiveness
1. Create a safe space. Bring to mind a place of safety. (If you did this meditation in chapter 4, recall it now. If not, read on.) Your place of safety can be real or imaginary. See this place fully and inhabit it. Are you indoors or outdoors? Is it a large, open space or a cozy place? What does it smell like? What does the air feel like on your skin? What sounds do you hear? Music? A crackling fire? Birdsong? A babbling brook or a fountain? Ocean waves? The hushed whisper of grass swaying in a breeze? There is an inviting place to sit comfortably. Relax into this place. It is your place of safety.
2. Someone is calling for you. The one who is calling for you speaks in a voice filled with warmth, love, and delight. When you are ready, welcome this person into your safe place. Notice how the person’s presence increases your sense of safety and assurance. Who is your companion? Is it a loved one, a friend, or a spiritual figure? It is someone who is accepting, affirming, and utterly trustworthy.
3. Between you and your companion sits an open box. Look at the box. It is small and light enough for you to lift and hold. Notice its size, shape, and texture. What is unique about this box? Tell your companion the story of what you have done. Tell the truth about the harm you have caused in as much detail as you can. As you speak, see the guilt and shame pouring out of you like a stream. Watch the stream being poured into the open box. Speak until you have finished.
4. Ask for forgiveness. Tell your companion that you are sorry for what you have done and ask for forgiveness. Your companion smiles at you, knowing that you are whole and worthy of love no matter what you have done. Now gently close the box of forgiveness.
5. Take the box into your lap. You may want to sit with it in your lap for a few moments. When you are ready, hand the box to your trusted companion.
6. When you are ready, you may leave your place of safety. Know that your trusted companion will hold your box of forgiveness and welcomes you at the end of your Fourfold Path.
Ritual: Setting Down the Stone
1. For this ritual you will need a heavy stone. You want to feel its weight as burdensome.
2. Walk with this stone some distance to a private place.
3. Admit to the stone what you have done.
4. Then tell the stone the anguish you have caused.
5. Then apologize to the stone and ask for forgiveness. You can imagine the person you have harmed in your mind’s eye, or ask God for forgiveness.
6. Decide what you can do to make amends to the person you harmed or how you can help others.
7. Then set the stone down in nature.
Journal Exercise
Meditations and visualizations can be healing, but it is also extremely helpful to write down what you have done as a preparation for apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
1. Admitting the wrong. What have you done? Use this place in your journal to tell the truth and list the facts of the harm you have caused.
2. Witnessing the anguish. Now look deeply at how your actions have harmed the other. Write sentences that begin “I am sorry for...” Write as many sentences as you can.
3. Asking for forgiveness. Write the following sentence and finish it: “I would understand if you are not able to forgive me now, but I hope you will be able to forgive me someday because...”
4. Renewing or releasing the relationship. You will be asking the person what you can do to make it right, but here you will list your own ideas for how you can renew the relationship. What could you do to repair what you have broken?
Chapter 9
Meditation: Breathing Compassion
1. For this meditation you will need to get still and centered.
2. Find a quiet place to sit or lie comfortably.
3. Follow your breath.
4. As you breathe in, visualize love and compassion entering you like a golden light.
5. With each inhalation, you will see the golden light begin to fill you from your toes to the top of your head.
6. When you are filled, you radiate this love and compassion outward effortlessly.
Ritual: The Hand of Mercy
1. Find a small stone that fits in the palm of your hand.
2. Hold it in your left hand. This is the hand of judgment.
3. For each item on your list of things you need to forgive yourself for, transfer the stone from your left hand to your right hand. 4. The right hand is the hand of mercy and forgiveness.
5. Holding the stone in your right hand, say the words “I forgive myself for...” and fill in an item from your list.
6. When you are done, return the stone to where you found it.
Journal Exercise
1. Make a list of all the things for which you need to forgive yourself.
2. For each thing you have listed, decide whether the forgiveness you need is from someone else or yourself. If it is from someone else, then walk the Fourfold Path. If it is truly from yourself, then it is time to rediscover your goodness.
3. Write a list of all that is good about you. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving and admiring companion.